Let’s be real.

Today I posted a video on my Instagram story of my daughter sitting with me while I read my Bible and did my daily devotional. Right after that, I posted a quote about being present with your kids. It looks like my life is together.

Here’s what you don’t see… this week I was exhausted and couldn’t figure out why. I binge watched Netflix and Hulu for 3 days straight. I checked out of life for 3 days. My husband came home to a dirty house, leftovers and pizza for dinner, and a checked out wife. My kids didn’t get a dedicated mom but a grumpy mom who was reluctant to get up to get them drinks and lunch. I was just done and wished I could curl up in bed and not leave it.

Don’t be deceived by what you see on social media. It is so easy to think, “man, she has her life together and a handle on this mothering thing. She is always so put together and her house is clean. Why can’t I get it right?”

People post what they want others to see. They rarely post the daily struggle or the things they are attempting to keep hidden.

Here is some truth…. I have battled depression for years… the struggle is absolutely real. This year has been so emotional and I hadn’t let myself rest through it. I’ve made time for my sabbath each week. I’ve been relying on the Lord for my support. I’ve cut back on packing our schedule full like I used to. But I still crumbled in exhaustion of just trying to push through my days.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28–30

I realized, I had been trying to do this in my own strength. Even when I thought I was giving it to him, I wasn’t resting in knowing He had it. I still kept picking up whatever it was that I was “giving” to Him. I realized I was trying to stay in control of a new world I was learning to navigate without someone that truly meant so much to me. Trying to be strong for my family but God saw me falling apart in private. He was waiting for me to truly come to Him.

So, is my house a mess? Yes. Is my heart broken? Yes. Am I trying my best? Yes. I am also resting in the Lord and knowing that if that task list doesn’t get done today, it’s ok! This is a new season. I am stronger for what I’ve just been through. I know that I will be stronger every day I keep pushing through the sorrow and giving it to God.

What do you need to give to Him today? What burden can he take from you or help you carry?