My mother suffered from severe mental illness most of her life. She was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. Sometimes she had to be hospitalized for up to six months at a time. Because my mom was sick a lot, I never really had the chance to know her while she was at her best.
For the record, my mom was a good woman and a good mom. You may quote me.
As a family, we all struggled in our own way with my mother’s illness. My mom never gave up and she did everything she could to overcome the burden of her disease. She took medicine, read books, went to counseling and sometimes she would check herself into the hospital. She lived the best life she knew how to live.
My mom passed away on March 14, 2005. She was 66 years old. I had the honor of being with her at the time of her death. I gently held her hand as she slipped away. My mother knew Jesus and I was comforted by that fact. Being a Christian woman, it was the only thing that mattered . As for me, I numbed myself to the pain of her passing and purposed not to feel anything at all.
What I remember from that time are the few days leading up to the day she died. I visited with her constantly, at all hours of the day and night. My mom didn’t know I was there. She was no longer coherent and would lay quietly with her eyes closed, hands reaching out as if she were greeting someone. First the left hand, then the right hand, reaching out over and over again for hours at a time, day after day until the very last day.
The doctors and staff provided a very detailed medical explanation for my mom’s behavior, but I knew the truth. My mother was met by her Heavenly Father, The Great Comforter. She was with the Lord and catching up with old friends, loved ones, and family that she never met in person because she hadn’t been born yet. Of this I’m sure.
I have very few photographs of my mother, and sometimes it seems as if she’s a stranger to me. Even so, I miss her and mourn for what we never had as mother and daughter. I thank the Lord for reconciling the memories of my mother, good and bad. I can feel what I feel now and not be crushed by it.
It feels good to share this memory, and I leave you with the scripture that is engraved on my mom’s memorial headstone.
The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die. – Psalm 116:15 – New Living Translation
~Trish
Dearest Trish, I’m so sorry for your tremendous loss. I’m glad you can see the good in this situation, that your mom lived the best life she could. That’s all God expects from us. I’m glad she was able to leave you such legacy despite her struggles.
God healed me from lots of anger and bitterness and now I have room for the happier memories.
Thanks so much Trish for being open & candid about your mother. Mental illness is something most of do not understand. Thank you for sharing so we can give help to those who are hurting if Hod brings them our way.
God not Hod– my fingers hit the wrong key and obviously I did not proofread good enough before submitting comment.
Thank you Trish for your transparency. It is so needed and I know it will minister to others.
And…who can understand things like this. It falls under the, “I don’t understand, but I choose to trust you God,” category. What a great scripture.
Thank You Trish, this has contributed to you being the Warrior Woman you are – being More than a survivor! I give you two Scriptures to relish in (because You are a WORD woman too): 1 Cor. 15:57 and Isaiah 57:1 & 2. Glad you were there for her, thick and thin….
Be Blessed as you are.
Trish, a second thought as I look at the date of your post. You know my Mom had mental illness………died at 45 y/o. Odd coincidence as I read your words today, that this date 13 March would have been her 87th Birthday if she lived.
Thank you for the touch from beyond. Maybe my Mom and yours are conversing in their “right minds” with the One Who makes All things Beautiful????
Trish– The minute I saw the title of the blog it pulled at my heart. (BTW amazing “coincidence” from Lorraine) We seem to be able to understand physical illness (as hard as it is) more than mental. I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. I know one good thing that came from all of this, & it is you.