The Long and Winding Road

The Long and Winding Road

     Write about your marriage.  Really, God?  Is it because my blog comes on the heels of our 36^th Anniversary? 

     Ladies, I’m not excluding those of you who are single, divorced, or widowed.  Others are much more qualified to write about those topics.  You may have sons and daughters, or friends, who need some encouragement in their marriages. 

     I used to believe the falsehood that if couples are married “forever,” they must have it going on!  But haven’t we all known some couple, the Bickersons, who have been long-time married, yet hardly reflect a Godly marriage? 

     My husband and I agreed years ago that we would openly share with other couples about the benefits of marriage counseling, if we felt it would minister to them and encourage them.  This doesn’t mean we have to blab all our personal, private, gory details to the world.  Or, bash one another.  That’s not uplifting.  As our grandmothers used to say, “airing our dirty laundry.”  However, we will insistently suggest getting help when it’s needed.  Don’t think we haven’t been there.  Ha!  You name it:  inlaw issues, financial struggles, health challenges, childrens’ drama, communication issues.  Struggles galore! 

     Whether a couple seeks out counsel through a marriage minister, prayers from a small group leader, or goes to sessions through a private therapist, as needed, talk to someone.  Something about a third party to listen, (vent to?), encourage, point out the obvious or not so obvious, mediate, or even call us out on our misbehavior, can help to break an impasse or provide insight or hope when all was gone.  I’m certainly not implying that counseling will repair all marriages or heap guilt on anyone who tried it and still couldn’t overcome marriage difficulties.  When you’ve come close to the brink, you learn to suspend judgment, even while holding out for a breakthrough. 

     I also used to buy into the falsehood that once a couple hits a certain milestone, we’re on easy street.  Once the kids are gone….once the house is paid off….once things slow down.  Nope.  Don’t buy into that one, either. 

     The twilight years are fraught with their own challenges.  Although we’ve been blessed with decent health, it’s often a time of caring for aging parents (both of us), facing future health challenges, determining retirement plans and how that will impact the financial future, and did I mention those adult children?  Really?  They still cause concerns, even if you sing Frozen’s “Let it Go.”  Throw into the mix the joy and love of grandkids plus more time and planning for the future.   Then, we still have the garden variety stuff…schedules, hurt feelings, you forgot again?, I’m not in the mood, neglect, miscommunication, what date night? 

     Take heart.  God’s still in the midst of this messy life and our sometimes messy marriages.  Thank God.  Don’t cling to falsehoods.  Seek help when needed.  Pastor Brian had a practical formula:  Grace plus truth.  These are the Golden years, and their worth is immeasurable.