Kenny and I recently decided to torture each other by changing my 20 month old Martin’s sleep environment- we moved him into our 3 year old Lucy’s room. With the baby coming and 6 people coming to visit we figured it would be a good time to begin preparing the nursery and have an extra room to put them all in. Day 5 of sleep deprivation is proving tiresome for this ol’ mom!
To be fair, 2 of those nights he actually slept through the night, but the other 3 sounded like our home was a house of horror. I wonder if our neighbor woke in the middle of the night and thought we were sawing our children in half or something- yes… it was that bad.
When I first started going back to church about 13 years ago now I detoxed from pretty much anything you can think of – I was hardcore straight edge for about a year. I quite drugs, smoking, relationships, sex, alcohol, swearing, secular music and whatever else you can think of. It was one of the most challenging and intense years of my life, besides my first year of marriage (and children of course)!
While I was going through all of that detoxing a good friend of mine at the time told me that some of her closest times with God were in those dark and difficult times- she told me to build “altars” to remind myself in the dark times of the times God has been faithful to me.
I’ll tell you, at 2am when that 20 month old little boy is screaming his little head off for only God knows what reason and refuses any kind of comfort- it feels very dark. It is hard to remember “altars” or feel near to God when all I’m trying to do is control my emotions- but upon reflection after a night of sleep I realize that in those dark times in the deep of the night when I’m exhausted and I need help the only other person besides my husband that I’m calling to is God for help. And you know what- it always comforts me to know he sees, and he is near.
He sees my frustration and exhaustion- my desperateness, and even though relief is not here yet it will eventually come and this next hurtle will be conquered and regardless of how well or how poorly I’ve handled the situation- He will still be by my side. *sigh*
Amen! What great comfort it brings to remember He’s always near.