I Know … that I Know … that I KNOW

I was reading some of the recent blog posts by these amazing Vineyard women and I’m seeing a common theme weaved throughout. As women of God we’re all simply trying to grow a little each day and be better today than we were yesterday.

Not only do we want to be better women for Christ – we hope to inspire other women through the encouraging words we write. A noble undertaking to be sure, but I’m not going to lie to you – most of the time I feel completely ill-prepared and unqualified to inspire anyone! How can I possibly hope to inspire others when I can’t even remember to start the dishwasher before I go to bed at night?

Most days I feel like I need a zipper on my brain to keep all the crazy confined and locked up tight! Every day is a struggle to maintain a home, be a wife, mother, grandmother and exemplify Godly character. More often than not I feel like a failure rather than a Godly woman who inspires others.

I don’t want to feel this way – but sometimes it’s a struggle to obey God’s word and renew my mind daily. I want to believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but a lot of days – I don’t.

I want to trust in the Lord with all my heart and not depend on my own understanding, but I don’t like to give up that control. I want to acknowledge God in all my ways believing that He will make my paths straight, but when life is so scary – it’s hard to trust. 

It’s difficult to make sense of a world spiraling out of control, fraught with evil. The tragedy in Tucson this past weekend with the shooting of the Congresswoman reminds us of how uncertain the future is. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

Today I want to crawl up in my Father’s lap and cry on His shoulder and tell Him how scared I am about an uncertain future. Because I know God never leaves me, I know I can get quiet before Him and pour out my fears and cry until I have no more tears. I know I can be still and know He is Lord. I know He is in control and He is Lord of ALL.

Above all else, I know that when nothing else makes sense – the Bible is still the single most reliable source of comfort and so I get lost in the words of hope. I trust that apart from Him I can do nothing. I know that I don’t know what tomorrow may bring – but I know … that I know … that I know … that God will be the Lord of all my tomorrows. For even when I doubt, deep down I still KNOW.

I may never inspire scores of people and that’s okay. I know that as long as I allow the light of Christ to shine through me – I know my Father is pleased with me. I know Him and He knows me.

Blessings in Christ,
Kathy