Hi friends,
When something exciting in your life happens, don’t you want to share it with someone? I do!
So it is with great joy that I announce the publication of my latest book, “When Your Child i
s Hurting.”
I wrote this book from my experiences raising five kids, and dealing with the everyday hurts they face. As a mom, I found myself hurting for my kids, and wanting to do something to help them. Often however, what I did wasn’t always helpful. Early on in my parenting, I found myself being very overprotective. Instead of preparing them to deal with problems on their own, I was protecting them from pain.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where problems are a promise. Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
My own emotional pain was hindering my ability to do the right thing for my children. Thanks to God’s wisdom and help from moms who walked this path before me, I was able to address many of my children’s issues in a healthier way.
I’d like to give away one book to a Vineyard Women’s blog reader. If you’d like to win, please leave a comment on this blog telling us one parenting lesson you’ve learned that has helped your child deal with pain. I’ll pick a random winner on Wednesday and send that winner an email. So please make sure you leave your email address in your comment. Share this blog with your friends so they can enter to win, and get some wise advice from other moms.
At this point, the book is available through www.Amazon.com or www.Proverbs31.org. I’ll be talking with Patty about offering it in the bookstore.
May God bless each and every one of you.
In His Love,
Glynnis
Congrats Glynnis on the Book!
I look forward to it! I feel I am still learning so don’t really have a lesson to share yet.
Thora
I’m very excited for you Glynnis and look forward to reading your book!
One thing that has always helped Neil and I, when he is hurting, is praying about the hurt together.
Darla
Congratulations on the book!
One thing that I learned was to trust my children and believe in their feelings, to take the time to listen to what they are saying and always ask how they feel about the issue. I’ve had to learn to not impose my feelings on them. My daughter is amazing, one time when she was seven, she told me ‘MOM, I just wanted you to listen, you dont have to try to fix it!’
Hurray for your diligence and willingness to share for the Glory of God! I am continually amazed by (and a little jealous of) your persistance and work ethics!
I have learned to let my children suffer the natural consequences of their actions. I know, I know, the question was “How do you help your children when they’re hurting?”, not “How can you help them hurt?”… Well, I observed that fixing things for them instead of letting them learn from their mistakes actual made the suffering longer, larger and deeper later on down the road.
Here’s an example: If my daughter forgot something she needed (her dance shoes, library books, lunch, etc.) I used to stop everything and go get whatever it was for her. It would ease the discomfort of the moment, and I felt better that she wasn’t suffering (e.g. dancing barefoot, not able to check out new books, hungry) because I had “fixed it”. That worked until a time when I *couldn’t* stop to go get what she had forgotten. She became completely upset and started crying.
When I finally got her to talk to me, she asked me with hiccuping, weepy voice WHY I wouldn’t go get her things for her. The look on her tear-stained face clearly showed me she thought I didn’t love her any more. It was really heart-breaking to me to have her look at me that way. As I explained that I had another committment for which I could not be late and that going back to get the things she had forgotten would certainly make me late, I realized where I had gone wrong.
Everytime I “fixed” something in this way, I had taken the responsibility for her things away from her and assumed that responsibility myself. I had done it so many times that she now felt that by refusing to fix her problem I was in effect rejecting her! All this heartache and emotional suffering, both on her part and mine, could so easily have been avoided had I just let her “suffer” the minor consequences of her forgetting something right from the beginning.
Now when one of my kiddos forgets something or makes an unwise decision (like wearing sweats and a long-sleeve shirt when the forcast calls for 80 degrees), I let them accept responsibility. Sometimes I feel really bad for them (and I tell them so), but I don’t “fix” anymore unless the consequences will pose a threat to their health or welfare. (And though my son would argue vehemently to the contrary, being hungry for a couple of hours because you left your lunch on the counter at home does NOT constitute a threat to your health or welfare!)
As a result, not only do they understand that their actions and decisions directly effect them, they understand that their actions and decisions are THEIRS to make. I don’t control how much fun Christyn will have in dance class; she does through her decision to practice her steps (or not to) and the action of preparing her bag ahead of time and making sure everything she needs is there (or not).
All this is not to say that a couple times of suffering the consequences has made both my children nearly perfect at getting chores done on time or remembering everthing all the time. It is definitely an on-going lessons plan! However, at least when they are suffering the consequences they know it’s something they’ll go through WITH me and not BECAUSE of me.
In awe of that asenwr! Really cool!