Best Laid Plans

Recently, I sat down with my Dear Ol’ Dad and looked at numbers. Specifically, dates, dollar amounts, and what magic numbers I need to retire. 

What seemed like a way-down-the-road dream has suddenly become a much more realistic possibility. If I play my financial cards right, I could be calling myself a retiree by the end of this decade. Amazing! 

It’s exciting and has given me a bit of a mental boost. Working in the age of Covid has left me feeling drained and overwhelmed. 

It got me thinking about future plans. And plans I had hoped for that never came to fruition. 

For example, I always dreamed of being a wife and a mom. I NEVER thought I’d be a 42-year-old, single, never-married, childless woman. 

I dreamed of caring for my own kids the way my Mom devoted her life to me and my sister. 

I always thought I’d have a partner to stand with in my earthly journey. Someone to walk with in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part. The way my parents have done for each other for 46 years. 

It hasn’t been easy “going it alone.” The anguish at times is unbearable. In tears, I’ve asked in prayer if something is wrong with me, if I did something wrong to deserve this long, solo journey.

I’ve never gotten an outright answer to why this is the path I ended up on. But I’ve always felt that small little push that says, God is the Author of your life. He’s got you covered on this path. Have faith and trust Him. 

And He has covered me with his grace, mercy, and provision over and over again.  He made sure I have the most incredible parents, sister, and extended family within a 10-minute drive of me to reach out to when I need help (and I’ve needed it MANY times). He provided me with two incredible nephews to be a cool aunt to. He led me to my current workplace when I was a lost, wandering sheep who had made a normal 4-year college experience a 6-year one because I didn’t have a clue what I was doing…or should be doing. 

He led me to Vineyard Church North Phoenix and a small group that feels like a second family. Their prayers and kind words have reminded me that I’m actually not alone at all.

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I learned that I’ve probably had that for quite some time, and the likelihood of a woman with endometriosis conceiving is very low. 

Maybe God knew and was protecting me from the heartbreak of infertility?

Trying to understand why God fulfills dreams or doesn’t is a waste of time. Instead, I proclaim that God knows best. 

An unanswered prayer is not final. Maybe it’s just Him asking me to wait in faith. And so I do.

Motivational speaker and author, Jon Acuff, said in a recent podcast, “Dreams don’t go away. They just wait.”*

I’m still breathing. Maybe my dream is not dead. Maybe my best laid plans shouldn’t be dismissed yet. God’s timing is best. And I trust Him as the Author of my life. 

I will trust Him to write the rest of my story. 

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NASB)

*Acuff, Jon. (Host) 2021 June 20. ATG 26: Is It Ever Too Late to Chase a Dream? In All It Takes Is A Goal podcast.