Today is my oldest daughter’s birthday. It’s hard for me to think of anything except what I was doing 29 years ago today. It’s amazing how I can’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday but I can recall with perfect clarity everything that took place on this day 29 years ago.
The fact that we both survived her infancy still boggles my mind. I was completely ill-equipped for parenting and had no experience with babies. The only thing I had going for me was the minute I held her in my arms I felt whole and ready to tackle what would prove to the be the hardest job I’ve ever had.
I’ve heard it said the first baby we have is the one we raise with the intentions of showing our parents how to do it right. Oh wait, maybe that was just me. I expected to be the perfect mother and of course my child was going to be the perfect daughter. Not surprisingly, we both missed the mark on that (me, more than her).
I never expected parenting would force me to grow up so quickly. Kids have a way of aging us before our time. They bring on prematurely gray hair, calluses on our knees from frequent prayer – and in my case, occasional rug burns on my forehead from lying before the Lord crying my eyes out on the carpet.
The toddler years were tough; I thought puberty would be the end of my sanity but surprisingly, the most difficult time for me as a parent was after my daughter turned 18. Whoever said parenting toddlers was hard has never had to parent a grown child. I find that parenting my three adult children is far more stressful than the “terrible twos.”
There have been times with each of my children I’m ashamed to admit I wanted to walk away and throw in the towel. I know as Christians we’re supposed to be above that sort of behavior and with God all things are possible. Occasionally however, parenthood can make us feel completely helpless and like utter failures. Oh wait, maybe that’s just me?
During those times of inadequacy and the subsequent guilt and shame that accompanied my feelings of failure, those were the times that God was always there to support me. Somehow that still small voice of my Father reminded me, He has never given up on me even though I’ve given Him ample reason to. I’ve not been an easy child for my Heavenly Father to parent, but yet He’s stuck with me. How could I do less with my children?
The perfect mother … she’s a myth. We’d ALL fail without God’s mercy. Yes, I’ve got the gray hairs, but by God’s grace I’ve got laugh lines too and I’ve got amazing kids! Days like today, why count the candles on the birthday cake when the blessings outnumber all else – even the gray hairs.
Blessings in Christ,
Kathy Kurlin
www.kathleenkurlin.com
Kathy – thanks for the reminder to press on and press in to our Heavenly Father. As a mom of 4 teenagers, I’m experiencing the pain of independence. It’s more painful for me than them. It’s good to hear from moms who are a few steps ahead of me. Thanks!
Thanks for putting into wonderful words, the reality of our situations as parents. It is so hard to let go, but indeed – there are more blessings than candles. Halleluiah!
What a beautiful, positive reminder to look at things from the lense of gratitude. Thank you, Kathy!