A couple of weeks ago I had an honest conversation with God- I asked him to get me up to date.
Something was missing in my memory. Over the past couple of weeks a lot had been going on in my life and when that happens I can easily get out of touch with myself. Help was needed so I asked God.
I like to think I keep a pretty up to date “laundry list”; keeping a list of wrong doings against people is not really something I want to do.
Unfortunately when I sat down recently with God some people were brought to mind that were in need of forgiveness: some repeat offenders, some I have committed myself to forgiving over a lifetime and some I just hadn’t thought of.
Apparently I have a lot of work to do!
If I’m honest, I’ll tell you, I really struggle with forgiveness at times. I struggle with letting go; I want to hold people accountable for their actions- justice must be had!
In short- I judge. Which of course is very unhelpful when trying to forgive. The problem with judging is it doesn’t actually produce anything in me other than anger, resentment, self-righteousness and bitterness- it’s me trying to control getting hurt; I’m trying to be God.
Judging somehow gives me the illusion of control but by punishing the other person (whom I’m trying to bring to justice with my anger and resentment) I’m only hurting myself. More than likely they are just going about their own lives, while I stew in ickiness.
I have found that forgiveness has to be a rhythm of life. Some people I forgive over and over again- either because I’m still angry or because I’m still healing from the hurt.
This is where my faith comes in. Sometimes I just have to believe and find peace in the fact that God is a fair judge and will be my vindicator. I may not see those people who have hurt me come to justice in this lifetime. But my pain and hard work at forgiving has not gone unseen. He puts my tears in his bottle (Psalm 56:8), and I am a better person for trying so hard to follow His lead.
Who Cares!
Who cares about the rising tidal waves?
Who cares about the demons lurking in dark and slimy writhing caves?
Ignore those wooly mammoth beasts
Who’ve come to feast on un-deceased!
We’ll turn our backs
And walk away
Then smile…
It’s just another day
By- Erica Petrowski
