There are fewer things in life that cause me to lose my salvation quicker than driving through a construction zone. On any given day I’m likely to encounter construction on any number of major intersections between my house and just about everywhere … so I find that driving in general can be hazardous to my Christian witness!
Some days I tolerate the construction traffic better than at other times. But occasionally my emotions and hormones are out of sync and get the best of me and driving anywhere (yes, even to Church) is an exercise in patience and self-control. It’s on those days it makes me regret the Vineyard Church sticker I have on my back window.
Luckily it’s that same window sticker that causes me to refrain from graphic hand gestures, settling for complaining under my breath instead.
“You big idiot … didn’t you see that gigantic blinking merge arrow and all the other merge signs and arrows a half mile back there! If you think I’m going to let you zip up beside me and bully your way over in front of me at the last minute you’re stupider than your driving skills!”
Ouch! It’s ugly, I know and I’m asking God for forgiveness and help in this area. But for some reason I find myself behaving very un-Christian and unyielding with all things labeled “merge.”
Recently while stuck in yet another annoying construction snafu, I found myself talking to God about why I’m so unyielding when people want to push themselves in ahead of me. Sitting in the gridlock of that busy intersection, memories resurfaced transporting me back to my difficult childhood and to times in my past when friends or family tried to bully me into doing things that made me uncomfortable.
Nobody likes to be bullied and somehow a rude driver bullying his way in front of me was reminiscent of my painful past. The parallels to my Christian walk with that of a construction site unnerved me.
For years my heart has been “Under Construction” as my Heavenly Father has been remolding me and making me into His image. Because of past hurts, it’s been my nature to keep people out. NO ADMITTANCE, NO MERGING, NO YIELDING. The impenetrable wall around my heart has only allowed a chosen few into the inner-sanctum of my true feelings and emotions.
A lifetime of rejection and abandonment isn’t likely to be an overnight fix-it project, but one that requires years of “re-construction.” Over the years, God has been chipping away at that impenetrable wall around my heart, refashioning and repurposing my brokenness, allowing others to slowly “merge” into my lane of isolation. He’s changing my heart to allow others in while re-constructing me to have compassion for other hurting people.
It would be easier to post those “DANGER! NO ADMITTANCE!” signs around my damaged heart, but I know that it’s not God’s will for me or for any of us to live isolated and alone.
ALL of us have hearts that will forever be “Under Construction” until the Lord calls us home someday. The Vineyard encourages us to become part of a small group for the express purpose of surviving the construction zones of life. Our willingness to YIELD will certainly make the journey more enjoyable once we realize that not everyone trying to MERGE into our lives means us harm – sometimes they just need a friend.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NLT)
Blessings in Christ,
Kathy K.
This is sweet… = )
GREAT blog. This is the perfect blog for a lot of women to relate to! You go girl!