Anyone who has ever suffered from insomnia will tell you that it is a very debilitating malady. Being no stranger to repeated bouts of insomnia, I can tell you first hand that there are few things that can render you more dangerously stupid than long periods of insomnia.
This past week while on vacation I had two back-to-back nights of horrendous insomnia, logging a mere four hours of sleep over a 48-period. I used to dread these insomnia bouts which can be quite predictably unpredictable. Lately though, I find myself learning to navigate my way through those exhausting sleepless bouts with a newfound appreciation for this unwanted malaise. No that’s not the fatigue talking! I can say with all honesty that I embrace those sleepless nights now as I know that six or seven hours of restless wakefulness means that I have those midnight hours all to myself and some much needed one-on-one time with God.
It’s usually during those sleepless hours that I find I’m able to pray for nearly everyone I’ve ever known without distraction or interruption. This past week was an exceptionally tough week for several close friends of mine and some of my extended family members. Vacation doesn’t always equal relaxing ‘down time’ so it was actually quite nice to have those early morning hours to focus on the needs of others.
The good thing about insomnia is that God never sleeps and he keeps 24/7 regular office hours so I never need to phone ahead for an appointment. He’s always awake and there’s no “wait time.” I’ve come to think that perhaps insomnia is God’s way of insuring that I focus on Him and that much needed prayer time.
It was during one such sleepless night this past week that I was blessed by what I call a “hug from God.” I was laying quietly in the dark plugged into a great praise and worship CD on my iPod worshipping in my spirit. I was feeling particularly loved by God — so much so, that I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in such a tangible way that I could barely contain my emotions.
This tangible emotion left me feeling as though my love for Christ was being squeezed out of me through every pore – every orifice of my body like soft, gooey Play-Doh™ being squeezed through a garlic press. In those quiet morning hours, not only did I feel my tangible love for God oozing out of me – but I felt His love for me pressing me on all sides.
So frequently we go through life unable to feel the presence of God and we wonder if He’s even there at all; if He’s hearing our prayers; wondering even if He’s mad at us because we don’t feel His presence. After my close encounter with my Lord this week, I’ve learned to never look a gift horse – or in this case – a bad case of insomnia – in the mouth, so to speak.
God is always waiting for us to come to Him – even if it’s in the middle of a sleepless night. Yes, it’s true I dislike the insomnia but even in this, God is teaching me to be content at all times and rejoice in the Lord always even when I’m stupid-tired.
As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. Psalm 138:3
Blessings,
Kathy K.
