Inside Outside

     As I pulled out of the parking space after a wonderful Christian women’s conference, I heard a loud, angry horn blast, as another driver sped past me.  “Wow.  Some Christian you are, lady!” I muttered to myself.  Driving home, I pondered, was this woman really being a jerky driver who demanded the right of way, or I was about to bonk her with my car?  I’m not so sure, now. 

     Haven’t we been guilty of the same thing, too, being one way in one place, another way elsewhere?  We’re a spiritual giant at a women’s retreat, then bark at our husbands when we get home because the house isn’t clean.  Or we leave church, filled with grace and love, only to get into a nitpicky argument with a family member.  My favorite one is arguing about being late on the way to a couple’s small group. 

     The point is, do our insides match our outsides?  As in the movie, do we know how to express our feelings appropriately?   I thought of four different scenarios. 

     Could you be good on the inside, but awful on the outside?  How is that possible?  Sometimes traumatized children who strive to make good choices have little brains which go haywire, and they behave poorly out of fear, or anger, or sadness.  I read a story which said a mom looked down her son’s throat and stated, “I see a good heart inside.”  I love that.  Maybe for adults, we have the truth inside, but we bow to peer pressure, conforming to others or struggling to do the right thing.  Stress, pressure, busyness, illness, crisis might put a drain on our goodness tank. 

     Could you be awful on the inside, but good on the outside?  Do you hide the hot mess inside of your life, or your ugly thoughts and feelings, while showing the world that you’re “perfect?”  While the image in the mirror looks worthy in the world’s eyes, it’s a mirror filled with cracks and chips and sins and flaws upon closer examination.  It’s a struggle to maintain this perfectly phony act. 

     Could you be awful on the inside and the outside?  Yikes!  Who wants to be that version, or be around that version?  I recently posted an opinion a public social media site, and oh, boy, I got called every name in the book!  I didn’t realize how truly ugly the big, old, nasty world out there was.  Are people this ugly?!

     Finally, could you be good on the inside and the outside?  This is the ideal combo.  It’s not perfection.  It’s a constant work in progress.  Can I take a big breath and capture my thoughts before I say them?    If I do mess up, can I say those words we’ve learned, “I’m sorry.  I was wrong?” If God were to grab us by our chins, would He look inside our throats and say, “There’s a good heart inside there?”  I hope so.  I want my insides to match my outsides.