Where is He? I’ve been around long enough to know that God is everywhere and that He is present with us through all situations – accessible.
No matter what I’ve been through in my past- I can look back and find him there; in the joy, in the pain.
Presently I can be in the moment and access his ever-pervading stillness and quiet. I see him in my future; leading and guiding.
But what happens when my learned behaviors step in: fear, skepticism, anger, sarcasm, anxiety.
When my feelings start to kick in- where is God? How do I find him?
When everyone is talking to me at once while I am already multitasking, when my guilt is heavy and I want to run, when my shame speaks instead of the person in front of me, when my insecurities scream that I am not enough, when my fear says that there’s no hope, when my anger tells me to attack– how do I find God in the moment? I know he’s there. He tells me to come to him, when I look back I see him waiting– so how? How do I access God before my natural response kicks in?
I’m getting closer- two steps forward, one step back. I’m learning more about who he is and trusting him.
I’m taking a hard long look at my behaviors and thoughts and I’m talking to God about them all. I’m spending time breathing and being still. I fight to be still- it does not come naturally- but I know that this is a process and that my God will see me through to the end.
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NLT
“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 CEV
My God will never fail. He lets himself be found.