I was having a sort of contemplative night and so I turned on one of the saddest songs EVER- Time and Time Again by the Counting Crows. I put it on because it was a song that I used to use to relieve myself of emotion when I was 14.
I was not the average 14 year old and had substance abuse problems and so would find myself filled with anguish at times. My room was in the attic and so the roof was slanted and I put glow in the dark stars on it. I would come home from a late night out, turn out the lights, lay on the floor and stare at the fake stars on my ceiling while listening to depressing music. And I felt so alone.
On my way home from a particularly lovely dinner out with a friend I was reminded of my childhood as I sang my heart out to “Time and Time Again” and I felt like I was reminded that even then when the last thought on my mind was God- God was with me.
So while I was sitting in the car at 35 years old on the way home from having a much needed night out with a girlfriend because it’s been a long couple of days home with the kids- I was transported back to my 14 year old bedroom in the attic and I said “You saw me there”.
To be honest it kind of felt ridiculous to think that anyone had ever seen those vulnerable moments- but He did. And as I sat in my car driving around so I could finish the song I could only think of The Lord sitting in the dark attic next to me, listening to me.
When I thought I was all alone- He was there.
When Jesus was in the boat sleeping and a storm came and the winds went wild and the boat was thrown from side to side and the fisherman were terrified and called out to Jesus ‘wake up wake up, don’t you care’ and Jesus woke up and simply told the storm to stop, and the storm stopped- it was because the wind remembered His voice from the beginning, from creation and obeyed.
He who has always been and always will be, He who is omnipresent, was with me when I was utterly alone and even now continues to remind me that He still is.