I have a secret. 

It is something I’ve struggled with for a long time and something I was ashamed of and afraid to tell anyone else.  Who would understand?

One day I felt so desperate I decided to share my secret with Susan, a woman in my small group.  The words and ensuing tears gushed out like a torrent I could no longer control.  I told her that ever since my teen years I had battled extreme fatigue; that when my kids were little there were days I felt so tired I didn’t think I would make it; that I felt like a failure because I couldn’t keep up with my house chores, and that there were mornings my muscles ached so bad I didn’t want to get out of bed.

I told her about my feelings of guilt and frustration; that I felt like a horrible mother because I had no energy to play with my kids or to treat them with patience; that I felt like a bad Christian who had a wonderful message to share but no strength left to do it.

When the words and the tears finally stopped, I lifted my head very slow, scared to look Susan in the eye.  Certainly she would think I was just lazy and a coward.  But when our eyes met, all I saw was compassion.

“Oh, Ana!” she said, “I know exactly how you feel.  I, too, have struggled with fatigue for many years.”

Susan hugged me tenderly and prayed for me, then she encouraged me to talk with my doctor about my symptoms.  After several years and many different tests, my doctor finally figured out what was wrong with me.  My chronic fatigue and achiness were caused by the Epstein Barr virus.  I would’ve probably never gotten the help that I needed if it weren’t for Susan.

I’ve learned to control my symptoms with diet and exercise, but I still have bad days – days in which I am tempted to give in to depression and hopelessness as I wonder, Will I ever feel ok again? 

But because of friends like Susan I know now that I will be ok.

The Apostle Paul encouraged the early believers to “carry each other’s burdens” and in that way fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).  Through my struggles, my friends from church have shown me what it means to be carried.  I still battle pain, fatigue and depression, but I no longer have to face this alone.

My secret is out in the open.  And I am no longer ashamed.

Ana

http://anastinescorner.blogspot.com/

If you are looking for a safe place to meet the kind of friends that will be there for you in good and bad times, join a small group!  Our church has dozens of different groups that meet throughout the Metro area.  For a list of small groups and more information, click here: 
http://vineyardnorthphoenix.com/section/small_groups