I have a secret.
It is something I’ve struggled with for a long time and something I was ashamed of and afraid to tell anyone else. Who would understand?
One day I felt so desperate I decided to share my secret with Susan, a woman in my small group. The words and ensuing tears gushed out like a torrent I could no longer control. I told her that ever since my teen years I had battled extreme fatigue; that when my kids were little there were days I felt so tired I didn’t think I would make it; that I felt like a failure because I couldn’t keep up with my house chores, and that there were mornings my muscles ached so bad I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I told her about my feelings of guilt and frustration; that I felt like a horrible mother because I had no energy to play with my kids or to treat them with patience; that I felt like a bad Christian who had a wonderful message to share but no strength left to do it.
When the words and the tears finally stopped, I lifted my head very slow, scared to look Susan in the eye. Certainly she would think I was just lazy and a coward. But when our eyes met, all I saw was compassion.
“Oh, Ana!” she said, “I know exactly how you feel. I, too, have struggled with fatigue for many years.”
Susan hugged me tenderly and prayed for me, then she encouraged me to talk with my doctor about my symptoms. After several years and many different tests, my doctor finally figured out what was wrong with me. My chronic fatigue and achiness were caused by the Epstein Barr virus. I would’ve probably never gotten the help that I needed if it weren’t for Susan.
I’ve learned to control my symptoms with diet and exercise, but I still have bad days – days in which I am tempted to give in to depression and hopelessness as I wonder, Will I ever feel ok again?
But because of friends like Susan I know now that I will be ok.
The Apostle Paul encouraged the early believers to “carry each other’s burdens” and in that way fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2). Through my struggles, my friends from church have shown me what it means to be carried. I still battle pain, fatigue and depression, but I no longer have to face this alone.
My secret is out in the open. And I am no longer ashamed.
Ana
http://anastinescorner.blogspot.com/
If you are looking for a safe place to meet the kind of friends that will be there for you in good and bad times, join a small group! Our church has dozens of different groups that meet throughout the Metro area. For a list of small groups and more information, click here:
http://vineyardnorthphoenix.com/section/small_groups
I never knew you had Epstein Barr virus! You always seem to have so much energy. I can’t imagine anyone thinking you are lazy!
Bless you, dear sister.
Isn’t that just like the enemy to make us want to feel alone and isolated as if we’re the only ones struggling. It’s only by bringing things out in the light, we can get help. I pray God will continue to heal you, Ana!
Way to go, Sister! It is important to share our burdens one with another. I am so proud of you and I believe the Father is downright beaming! Put that accuser right in his place! The EB virus causes much fatigue as you, by now, well know. By sharing this openly I believe you have proactively helped other sisters to seek medical care, if they should experience similar symptoms. God bless you and may Jehovah Rapha touch you with HIs healing hand.
My Dear Ana, it’s been a long time since we left VCFNP (and the North American continent!), but I still find myself “carried” by all you lovely ladies who are still there. It is so helpful to come read this blog and find help and encouragement for my wandering soul. No matter how long we’re away, no matter how far afield we go, I know that I have sisters who are running (or walking) the race God has set for us. May God continually bless you for all you do, and may you look only to Him for stregth, stamina, and the refreshment of His cool living water!
Hey, girls, thank you for your encouraging thoughts. You are all such wonderful friends. Susie: We miss you!!!