Effective communication will take work.

Have you ever given someone a compliment and they thought you were making fun of them? I have.

I have read there are six levels of communication. This is one reason why communication is often difficult: when two people talk, six possible messages get through.

1. What you mean to say
2. What you actually say
3. What the other person hears
4. What the other person thinks he hears
5. What the other person says about what you said
6. What you think the other person said about what you said

That is a lot to think about. Effective communication will take work.

This quote can pretty much sum up communication: “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure what you heard is what I meant.”

Here is the point: You cannot, not communicate. Everything you do and don’t say, communicates something.

As we are yearning for intimacy in our relationships, we must keep remembering that we were made for relationship. Even God exists in relationship. Choose to press through tough relational times in order to experience the richness of long-term relationships! I think you’ll be glad you did.

“Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.” Psalm 96:3 (NIV)

One by one, each woman walked to the front of the small room, turned to face our little group of beginning speakers.  She straightened her notes, took a deep breath and proceeded to give a brief, but moving testimony of how God saved her from a life of misery.  Tears flowed in the room, as each listener empathized with the sadness of a broken life without God.

As my turn neared, my heart pounded.  Combined with the nervousness over public speaking, was insecurity about my own testimony.  No dramatic conversion was in my background, no painful loss, no rejection of God.  My story – compared to theirs – seemed tame.  In fact, at that moment, I was embarrassed over the ordinary-ness of my life.

After that training exercise, instead of feeling better equipped to speak, I was convinced I’d heard God’s instructions incorrectly.  Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell others about what God had done in my life.  After all, it didn’t seem like much compared to everyone else.  What can a woman who became a Christian at an early age testify about?  That wrong line of thought affected me for years. 

God did open doors for me to speak and teach women, but instead of talking about what He had done in my life, I focused on the stories of others.  I taught from Scripture and books, but kept distant from my own life experience.  In some way I felt disqualified to share my stories.  They just didn’t seem dramatic enough, and that’s what I thought people wanted to hear.

The more I compared my own life experiences to others, the more I dismissed God’s work in my life.  Then one day, God gently challenged me to take my focus off of what He’d done in the lives of others and be amazed at what He had done in mine!  He showed me that it wasn’t ever about me and “my” story, it always was and always will be “His” story – and there was nothing ordinary or boring about that! 

I began to see things with new eyes.  What I’d written off as “normal,” became miraculous.  As I focused on how, over the years, God answered my prayers, took away my fears, taught me things, comforted me in sadness, brought me friends, and healed my emotions and body, my testimony grew.  Now, instead of glossing over the everyday experiences, I dissect them looking for God’s fingerprints – and find them everywhere. And, as I’ve been more faithful to tell about God’s work in my life, He has touched the lives of others.

I’ve learned there’s no “one-size-fits-all” testimony – but there’s always a story to tell.  I just had to take the focus off me and put it on God.  Then I can join the psalmist and “declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all people.”

In His Love,

Glynnis Whitwer

As I listened to Brian talk about volunteering and stepping up this weekend, I was thinking about what I volunteer for here at Vineyard Church North Phoenix. Currently, I lead a Care Group and oversee the Annual Woman’s Conference. Then I was pondering how I got into doing these things I enjoy so much.

Leading a Care Group, started by attending small groups. Then one of the groups I was attending was looking for a host home and I hosted a Care Group at my house for a year or so. After that, I started to take the leadership classes to lead a care group and have been leading ever since and truly enjoy “doing life” with the women in my care group.

Overseeing the conference, started when I had the job of ”running the PowerPoint” for the conference.  I ran the PowerPoint for a year or two at the conference since I was running it for a Sunday morning service. Then I was asked to oversee some parts of the conference and be on the core team. I oversaw parts of the conference for a number of years and each year it seemed I was entrusted with a few more things to take care of. Then one day Thora asked me if I would like to oversee the whole conference.  I said “yes” and now I love overseeing the whole process: behind the scenes, seeing all the parts come together, and experiencing God touch woman’s lives.

So what has your road been to the positions you volunteer for here at VCNP?

Or if you aren’t volunteering, where would you like to start?

Blessings,
Susan

Feeling Weary lately?
I asked Julie Love, one of our leaders, to write a guest blog. I think you will relate to it! Julie facilitates VLI here at the Vineyard and leads a small group.

Feeling Weary

Some days I get so weary taking care of everyone in my life. Between my husband, children, elderly parents and my small group, I am a caregiver in many directions.

I get up in the morning and start a load of laundry, feed the dogs and empty the dishwasher. The kids wake up and mention they are hungry. Of course, they all want different things for breakfast. One wants cereal with as much sugar as I will allow, one wants fruit but also some of last night’s BBQ ribs, and one wants waffles or an egg sandwich.

I start the coffee for my husband who is getting ready for work and I clean up the spilled milk from the cereal bowl as the kids tussle back and forth. The dogs have eaten one of my daughter’s flip flops and I begin picking up the many pieces scattered everywhere and mumble to myself that I can’t believe this is the third pair destroyed in a few weeks and why did I ever agree to animals?. My elderly parents are moving to a retirement facility and they are calling several times a day now with worries and requests so I run back and forth to their house to manage whatever the question of the day may be.

Lord! I am weary! Taking care of other people can be exhausting.

The good news is we serve a merciful, incredible, loving God. His timing is perfect and He knows I need a hug from Him. Here’s an example of how He cared for me in my time of need.

I was feeling worn down and out of service one day, as I pulled the clothes dryer away from the wall to replace the heating element. As I moved the dryer, I noticed a small envelope lying next to the wall where the dryer had been. I retrieved it and saw that it was a card for me from a dear friend of mine. It was mailed months ago! I finished fixing the dryer, and sent the kids out to the pool. I sat to down to watch them, put my feet up, and read my card.

Inside the card was a simple little note that said my friend thanked God for me and for our friendship. She said she was reminded of how special I am to her. It was filled with warm hugs that only come from close friends. As I sat there holding the card, I realized God knew I would be having a rough day today. He knew I would need a special hug from Him. So He orchestrated everything so I would find that card just when I needed it. Isn’t He amazing?

I threw another load in the washing machine and went to bed praising Him for another day, feeling reenergized to face tomorrow.

I’m currently having a wonderful experience. 

Truly.

Mommy is visiting me right now and I love it!

I know how childish this is all going to sound, but as usual I will have a point by the end.

My mom hasn’t been out this way in about three years.  She and my dad would visit my sister (in CA) and me every year, but since Dad died in 2006, Mom hasn’t made it out.  I am so excited that she’s here!

Wait, I mentioned that already.

The thing is when she is here, I feel like a kid again.  It’s her chance to mother me, and I’m all for it!  She’s there to tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that someone will hire me.  I really like it when she makes me dinner.  She came to rehearsals and video shoots, and Girl’s Night Out, and I’m like a little kid saying, “See Mommy!  Did I do good?”  She was so impressed with the cast and crew, and tells me so (and most of them).  I go to bed knowing she is here, and wake up knowing she is here.  She encourages me to eat better (less sodium, more fruits and veggies, milk, etc), and exercise.  She’s there to listen to me, and I can listen to her.  She gives me guidance, but makes the choice mine.

By now, any regular readers have figured out where I’m going with this.

Let’s apply this to God everyday.

Everything I love about my mom being here is what I should love about God being with me all the time.  He comforts me.  He encourages me.  He is always with me.  He listens to me and talks to me.  He guides me.  He doesn’t make my dinner, but he gave me the talent to cook it myself.

I feel this way about God so often, but what if I took this child-like enthusiasm and applied it to my life everyday?  How enticing would that be to people who don’t know God?  How encouraging would it be to others who are drifting?

The thing is – it’s a choice that I need to make.  It’s a choice He wants me to make.  Delight in my Father being with me every moment of every day.

It’s not going to be easy, but I’ll try, because He will be there every time I ask, “Daddy?”

Peace!

Barb

My husband and I didn’t pick the smartest week of the year to get married.  We were juniors in college and got married two weeks before classes started.  On one hand, we prepared all summer, on the other, we had little time to squeeze in a honeymoon before school and jobs started up again. 

Between moving in to our new apartment, working part-time, and full-time school, writing thank-you notes for our wedding gifts fell to the bottom of my to-do list.  Month after month went by, and it was Christmas break before I seriously thought about them again.  By that time, I was just plain embarrassed to send out notes.  My closest family received them, but I neglected the rest.

That breach of etiquette has bothered me for 25 years.  It probably explains why I’m a stickler for my children and me to write thank you notes for every gift.  In hindsight, I should have sent out the notes at Christmas.   Truly “better late than never” should have been my guiding principle.

Jesus spoke about a similar principle in the parable of two sons (Matthew 21:28-32).  Both were asked to work in the vineyard by their father.  One said “no,” but changed his mind and went.  The other said “yes,” but didn’t go.  Jesus asked the poignant question, “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”  The answer was the first. 

Jesus used this parable to show the religious leaders that the “tax collectors and the prostitutes” were entering the kingdom of God ahead of them.  The religious leaders professed to obey God in their heart and actions, but they didn’t.  I think this is a principle we can apply to our everyday life.

Many times we know God is calling us to do something.  It could be to share our faith with a co-worker or family member.  Perhaps God has been tugging on our hearts to increase our financial giving.  Maybe we need to take a leap of faith and change careers, go back to school, or do mission work.  We say “yes” when God first prompts us, but then do nothing.   Time goes by, and we think, “It’s too late now.”

Unfortunately, that type of thinking leads to disobedience.  This parable shows us that it’s never too late to obey God.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, or what you’ve done since God first asked you to do something.  It doesn’t even matter if you’ve stomped your foot, crossed your arms, and told God “no.”   Today you can make your Father happy by doing His will.  

We serve a gracious God who doesn’t hold our disobedience against us.  We may need to confess it as sin, but when we do, it’s as good as gone. If God has asked you to work in the “vineyard” and you’ve said no, or delayed obedience, make today the day you get to work.  I wonder if I still have that wedding gift-list

I’ve really been enjoying singing the song “Majesty” the past few weekends during worship. There are so many phrases that are so powerful in that song. The one that really hit me this past weekend during worship was “Empty handed, but alive in your hands”.

I’ve recently been struggling with surrendering some areas of my life to Jesus and this phrase brought it home for me. I can try and try and try on my own might and strength, but that’s really “empty handed”. I on my own am not able to get it right and do all that God asks of me. I have to be in His hands and there I am alive.

Take 5 minutes to put on your favorite worship song and ask God to reveal something new to you.

Blessings,

Susan

“Is that what you really mean?”
Communication is tricky business!
I once said to my Father on one of his birthdays, “Well, I guess you are as old as you feel.” And he replied, “So you say, you think I am over the hill.” This was not what I meant.

What we all want, I think, is intimacy in Communication. As human beings, we were made for community. Think even of the Trinity—God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit live in community. There is something within us that yearns for intimacy.

Here is a good definition of communication—“to make common to others what you currently possess.” In the highest sense you could think of communion as “a union of thoughts and feelings.”

I have read that having three intimate relationships in a lifetime is a really good number. Many people never even have ONE intimate relationship—much less three. I think it is good not to be unrealistic. There is not enough time in life to be VERY close to 20 people. It is simply a time issue. Even Jesus had the 12, the 3 and the 1. He is a good example of healthy levels of relationships.

However, as early as Genesis 3:6-12 we saw that mankind’s tendency in relationships was for…
A. Lack of intimacy (Adam and Eve knew they were naked and were ashamed.) We all know what we are really like on the “inside.” It can be scary to open ourselves up to others and be real and transparent. Think how much better Adam and Eve’s relationship was before the fall.
B. Self-consciousness (We wonder what others will think and hide.) We put protective layers around ourselves.
C. Fear and hiding (This isolates us and we don’t risk with others.) Possibly we’ve been hurt in a past relationship and we don’t want to take the possible pain of trusting someone again.
D. Blame shifting (“It’s not my fault—but the woman you gave me.”) If the “problem” is always someone else’s fault do we ever point the finger at ourselves?
Lack of communication builds walls between people.

That is a lot to think about. Here is one thing I do know: Effective communication will take work.

Healthy relationships are probably not going to be easy.

I want to encourage all of us to press through with our relationships—even the difficult ones. It will be easier to not press through, and to not deal with conflict in relationships.

As you are yearning for intimacy in your relationships, keep remembering that we were made for relationship. Even God exists in relationship. Press through the tough relational times in order to experience the richness of long-term friendships! Does anybody have a story they feel would be helpful?

Blessings,

Thora

I hope everyone has a fun but safe holiday this weekend! My family and I will be in Sedona enjoying the nice weather and the beautiful Slide Rock.

 As I was packing for our trip today I heard the laughter of my children fill the room while watching “Nacho Libre”. I was reminded of the simple things in life that are often crowded out by the busyness of life.

Sometimes we need to stop looking at our schedule and put away the “To do list” for just a moment. I know we live in a busy world and 24 hours in a day never seems like enough time to get things done, but I want to encourage you to take time to make memories with your family and loved ones.

A wise person once said “Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.”

We should not let the craziness and the hustle and bustle of daily living rob us of the abundant life our God has given us! Use you time wisely, remember to be grateful and count your blessings.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

Take some time this weekend to pray for our country!

Love, Eva J