Since this past weekend was the small group fair, I have been reflecting on memories of small groups I’ve been a part of at Vineyard North Phoenix. Small groups are one thing I love about our church. There are so many different kinds to choose from and times to meet. Over the years here I’ve been a part of a number of groups and have made many dear friends. I’ve also had the opportunity to serve as a leader.
When I first came to the Vineyard I was a little intimidated by how “together” everyone seemed to be and on top of their walk with Jesus. But I was also intrigued and challenged by it. So when a friend invited me to a Women’s Care group, I went. I really enjoyed it and was drawn to the closeness the ladies seemed to have with each other. I really experienced the presence of God in the group. I decided attending one group twice a month wasn’t enough, so I joined a second Women’s Care group that met on the other two weeks. I loved both of the groups. But it was in this second group that God began to show me something amazing about leaders. They aren’t perfect! And it’s ok to share that with your group. I had been a leader in my previous church and I thought I could never be good enough to be a leader here. After all, I didn’t have it all together. One week my leader shared she was struggling with something and would like prayer. I don’t recall the details but it seems it wasn’t a huge thing. Wow! She wasn’t perfect and she admitted it to us. That was new to me. What a different approach from trying to appear as if you are perfect on the outside, but crying inside. I began to realize I didn’t have to be perfect to be a leader. It was and is about having my heart in the right place and pursuing Jesus.
Even though I knew that truth in my head, it was still hard to practice. A few years later I was reminded of this again after I had become a small group leader and was still trying to be the “perfect leader”. Something had happened, and I knew I needed to ask my Care Group to pray for me. I prefaced what I said with something like, “I don’t want you guys to think I’m not perfect but…” And a lady in the group; a dear friend said “Susan we all know you’re not perfect.” I was shocked. I thought I had done a good job of pretending to be perfect and having it all together. I had been found out. Well, God used that experience to open up my heart. I knew I wanted to always be open and transparent with my group. I know I’m not perfect and don’t even try to be. I do my best to follow God’s leading and get prayer when I need it from my group or other friends. I still fail at times but I know my heart is in the right place and growing closer and more open to Him every day. The truth is, the “perfect” small group leader is simply an imperfect person, following a perfect God.
Blessings,
Susan
